What does it mean to be a man? Like a game of tug-of-war, this issue is being tugged at by two sides that control much of the public message and discourse.
On the first side are people who complain that young people are too “soft” – they need to stop whining, swallow their feelings and emotions (except anger, of course) and start “acting like men”. On the other side are people who argue that all traditional male and masculine behaviors are “toxic” and should be discarded.
Missing from these conflicting statements is a discussion of a more nuanced and individualized form of male and masculine identity that would suit each man’s individual emotional needs.
And that is what is needed today like air and water to be a man. What is lacking in reality is the freedom that will help Me and You to adapt and live Mine and Yours masculine identity, where we do not have to forcefully wear what is on the hanger.
An important thing we all need in our wardrobe is emotional stability, which we often forget about.
All the stresses and potential distractions of modern life make it difficult to maintain dialogue with our inner self – who am I and who do I want to be?
For men, the struggle over identity makes it all the more tempting to express deep, exploratory thoughts about our own masculinity. But if there was ever a time when we needed to rethink, re-evaluate and redefine what it means to be a man, it’s now.
Why now? Most of us are huffing, endeavoring and struggling. Even if we no longer hide our true feelings and no longer react aggressively when our masculinity is threatened (seems attacked, seems questioning my being this or other way), many men still unwittingly cling to remnants of old, unwritten laws, which no longer serve us.
Of course, we can still believe that we should avoid asking for help as much as possible (ask only in extreme cases) and be ashamed to talk about our fears, sadness or emotional isolation.
But after all, men of authority and weight in the public eye, the self-confident and swaggering heroes of both our and international pop culture (beloved football players, actors, singers, etc.) don’t do those things, do they?
–
I continue to learn a lot about what it means to be a man.
There are many, and I mean MANY, people who want to tell me what it means to be a man. They have no idea what they are talking about.
If you need a starting point, here it is: consider and make up a fairy tale for at least 90% of what you hear from people about masculinity. After that, you will most likely need to give up the meaningless “male-diet” and the male-focused arrangement, male-centered category you’ve been fed.
The more I connect with my masculine identity, the more I realize that most people talking about this topic are just being selfish.
The more I connect with my masculine identity, the more I feel happy.